Hey you
You're the only one I'll text back during sex. what's up?
I plan on putting pajamas back on after I shower. Today is going to be awesome.
Most awkward thing ever: Meeting your BattleShits opponent post war.
I'm pretty sure this isn't my phone, but I do like these nude pics
hey as creepy as this sounds i still have your eyelashes on my desk
After having to meet his mom half naked, running into the tree in front of her didn't seem so bad.
Taped crackers to the wall. Sat I'n the dryer. Bobby had to pull me out by my hair. No more.
I was about to send you a concerned-for-your-safety text b/c it took you more than ten seconds to respond to a text that mentioned both the bar and lesbians
If your relationships aren't working out because she doesn't have a penis THEN maybe you should give dudes another go
I have a calendar reminder for world domination today, you wouldn't happen to know anything about that would you?
Stoned, and eating Doritos, and reading about lesbians for class. This is the life.
Do him. As soon as possible and as often as possible. That's what Oprah would say
In case you were wondering I realized something last night, Rick James was correct. Cocaine is a hell of a drug.
Still riding the magical train of drugs so, yeah, Id say I feel great
So I fell alseep while I was motorboating that girl last night infront of the entire party.
Randomize
