Fucking love it maybe bedazzle some baby seals? Make them cuter? Who would club a bedazzled baby seal? Only a fucking monster.
we got so high we spray painted his girlfriend's UGG boots. she's CRYING. it's hysterical.
I'm pretty sure God is rooting for me with this two gf thing
Doing "bucket stands" with buckets of margarita. Don't tell me it's not a good idea.
I always have to poop after I paint my nails. It never fails.
We need to stop celebrating holidays that dont belong to us
You walked in with a firecracker and a doughnut then demonstrated what a lazy job he did fucking you
I tried to put a seat belt on in the shower. And I'm 80% sure I ate soap.
Please tell me that's his leg and you didn't really just send me a picture of your dog's dick
I flashed a party boat full of Asians yesterday, didn't I?
I ate icecream cake off your tits for my birthday, if that's not love I don't know what is.
lets start a news segment called WHY IS LEOS CROTCH BURNING TODAY
This place is a maelstrom of dicks.
I mean as in stuck up bastards, not actual, desirable male genitalia. My point is, come pick me up fast, please!
I AM OFFICIALLY LICENSED TO BE A LESBIAN
my roommates are pretty pissed at me. they sent me out for ice and i came back with a kitten.
Randomize
