peeing is so easy when youre drunk. you just tell your body to pee and it pees.
Whoa Z and x make the same sound
Until he has ordered mozzarella sticks & beers at 2pm while wearing formal attire, then this is still my bar.
he mailed me a thank you note for the blowjob.
I swear this girl is like a Cross between Danny Devito and Anne Heche....the Lesbian Years.
its not fair. if i was a guy, i'd be getting a high five for banging two in one night.
I was really sad when you left and cried. And i don't know what a face promise is, but apparently i made you make one.
Oh btw, my mom called... you made the police blotter in the newspaper. Don't worry, she's mailng me a copy so I can put in on the fridge.
I'm drinking beergaritas with a dog who is high and a baby
your completely serious
Like I had no idea he knew how to play girls the way he played me. His major is chemistry for christ's sake.
Indeed. The kind of morning where puking in someone's shoes is not frowned upon
Yea... you were given too many get out of jail free cards. God just gave up on you having a healthy and happy vagina.
Welp last night I made out with the guy who slices my deli meat at publix. I'm sure there's a joke there but I'm too hungover to find it. Go noles.
He said did you just interrupt me midsentence to admire another man's penis?
you were on all fours in the front yard puking, but managed to hand the pizza delivery guy a beer and to have a nice day.
Randomize
