Dude, I don't think I'll ever be able to find a girl for me...
Is this the gay conversation?
Crying babies in a bar. Really?
And she just changed the baby's diaper on the table. It's killing the beer garden.
I do no wrong. I am always right. Right? I forget why I am sending this. It seemed relevant.
we made out on top of his cat.
SHE SITS THERE LIKE A DICK LIKE AN ACTUAL DICK JUST LIMP AND DUMB AND BLAH
There are two guys's cum on my sheets. Be a man and be the third.
I've got a 90 day supply of amoxicillin in case of zombie or chlamydia outbreak
You're the only one to love me enough for me to admit the following: Rock-bottom sounds like sobbing to a Miley Cyrus song.
There's an owl outside. I feel like he's hooing directly at me.
He said it wasn't ladylike of me to drink more whiskey than him. I told him to stop being a little bitch.
He has an accent, blue cross AND gainful employment. Just saying, he's going to urgent care once I'm done with him
He told me that he'd ride his snowmobile from Cincinnati to Toledo in this blizzard just so I could give him head.
We'll get you some ice cream, but no sprinkles. Sprinkles are for winners.
the fact that I always have. bottle of tequila in my purse is not helping my current sitch
This chick just walked out of the men's room with molly all over her nose and her shirt half unbuttoned. She nodded to all of us and said "gentlemen" as she exited
Randomize
