Facebook really needs to add a bikini picture profile tab for girls, it would really save me countless amounts of time!
i'm so high that my cigarette just tasted like chef boyardee. no lie.
I wish that vaginas would just grow when you're ready for sex. Like when you dont need your vagina its not there, but when you need it...BAM its there. then no one would see it when you get drunk
yeah...or you could just stop doing cartwheels in skirts
I've never been so happy to start my period. I'm gonna let everyone in the store see me buying tampons.
i feel sorry for the hotel staff that makes the bed after we have sex
You stole my crutches last night at the bar, the DJ had to ask for them to be returned
Do you have paint?
Paint? I wish
OMG WHAT ARE YOU DOING
Fuck away man. Like 3% of these new people will be back next week. This is the best week of the year to slam bitches at the gym.
I think I'm going to add the date I dumped his sorry ass as a life event on FB.
I think that's justified.
I got dressed on his front steps, peed on his neighbors lawn, then did a shoeless walk of shame home at 5am...
The problem with having a roommate is that you are forced to answer the age old question "Are you okay?"
What is more embarrassing, shitting yourself in Mexico or having sex in a forest preserve with a 19 yr old? This is crucial research.
Just went to court for a citation. Guess who my DA was? That girl I ATM'd last weekend. No ticket for me!
That chick keeps sending eggplant emojis
Welcome to dating in the digital age. Better catch up now that you’re divorced
and eggplant is code for penis. It means she’s DTF. Go get her tiger!!!
I literally blew him under my face mask. Not because I thought it'd protect me from COVID, but because I wanted to prove to myself that I could.
Randomize