Police were just in my backyard to recover a loaded .38. What the fuck?????
Gordon Ramsey's restaurant in NY is $150 each for the chef's menu
So you're taking me there this weekend?
oh, looks like he just opened a new restaurant right by us- it's called "McDonald's". Must be scottish food.
I just mixed tequila and nyquil in front of dad. hes making ambulance jokes but let me tell you its DELICIOUSSS
aparently we are going to have sex infront of her friend. ill call you tomorrow
"must pass the hog line" should not only be used in curling. but also when we go out to pick up girls.
My biology professor just used the phrase "dick fairy" in a sentence. No, it didn't make more sense in context.
Could someone please kill snooki before she contributes to the gene pool.
There is only one good excuse for how sore I am right now. And that is incredibly acrobatic sex. Unfortunately for me that is not my excuse.
It's isn't revenge sex until you've cum on her porcelain doll collection.
I can't even remember the last time I took my own pants off
You're cock blocking me from my own boyfriend. What kind of shit is that?
His grandpa picked him up. Brought him to the house. And made him clean the puke off the driveway with a broom and a bucket of water.
That was the night, like, my hair caught on fire...
It's a little hazey but I think I tried to request Nelly last night. There was no dj. Not sure who I was talking to
I have a cheeseburger in my purse and im going to fill her prescription for narcotics. Who thought i was responsible enough to sign her discharge papers?
Randomize
