FYI, if you pee in my bed (or even let R___ and E___ sleep in it), I will fart loudly during your wedding vows. Trust.
i never realize how drunk i am until i start using people as human stripper poles
I just realized that i have never seen about 30 percent of my friends sober before
I will give you vagina for bag of have'a corn chips.
Problem: At home sick with a stomach virus. Solution: smoke weed all day...
He tried to say the picture wasn't him. Like I'd forget his curved boner.
Side note, we are 25 fighting over our sophmore year RAs Drunk facebook attention
He told me that a camel appeared out of nowhere and it told him to quit smoking...
If you listen closely you can hear the sound of inbreeding and shame.
wine lets you be on time to class apparently
This is a dangerous realization
OH. MY. GOD. FUCK HIM. JUST GRAB HIM AND FUCK HIM.
I panicked i brought burritos. Funeral burritos
So you broke your ribs while fucking? Dude you just got about 25% hotter.
my favorite part of this morning was sitting at the gynecologist smelling like cigarettes and wearing yesterday's clothes.
I’m mid 4sum and you’re sending me photos of your cat. We had very different evenings.
Randomize
