Donna and I are betting on whether or not you are going to cheat on your boyfriend tonight....I said you wouldnt do it.
You might as well just give her the money now.
He came in the heat vent in my car. Don't ask how it happened.
Why would he get rid of a girl with no gag reflex? I don't get it.
i almost hope i AM knocked up so i can ruin the rest of his life
I see you've set aside this special time to humiliate yourself in public.
They called me at 5 AM saying they had a present for me
Why isn't there a sort by hair color option on Facebook? It would make stalking much easier.
Because it was 5am and I had a shitty mixed drink and I was threatening to put my balls in your face.
Not the worst first impression I've experienced.
So our trip to Disney World ended in the three of us stripping at a gay club in orlando.
Saw a girl outside my apartment shotgun a bud light, then a red bull, get in her Tahoe, and drive 4 people away. Gotta love thirsty Thursday.
So far I consider it a great summer because I have had to buy Plan B a total of zero times
A stoners worse nightmare? Well packaged snacks. Just took me 5 mins to get a cinnamon roll out of the package. And another 3 mins to properly type this text
my ex logged me out of his netflix so im gonna fuck his bestfriend as revenge
drinking vodka out of a wine glass to feel a little bit classier about myself.
Omg, new summer goal: sex in a bouncy castle.
Randomize
