wrigley field is MILF paradise
At least I can take solace in the fact that with 8 billion some odd people in the world, at least one of them is shitting in their own car right now.
Just walk-of-shame'd past fifteen little girls at summer camp. Take a good look girls, I am you in twelve years.
I legitimately sent him a storybook of naked pictures.
His idea of a compliment is: 'you're cuter than your friend. If you both wanted a 3way I'd do it,but I'd pay more attention to you.'
Got high and weighed everything in the house. My head is 16.2 pounds. Is that ok?
THAT WAS PROBABLY MY ONE CHANCE TO SLEEP WITH A MAN NAMED BORIS AND YOU RUINED IT.
This coming from the girl who broke up with a guy because she found out he played the tuba in middle school.
Eating my shrimp pasta on the porch with a 40, wearing a Hawaiian shirt, proclaiming "I GOT SCRIMPS." I just jumped the shark of college.
Please do us both a favor and come rip my clothes off.
That's the last time I get in a car with six rappers headed to god knows where.
My life is a clusterfuck of men and disorderly priorities right meow.
Also, if he asks how he's doing orally I can probably ask if we're exchanging Christmas presents?
And I must've sleep walked to the fridge cause when I woke up, there I was, balls deep in a fudge pop.
I've been rehabbing my soul with cheese and wine lately
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