Best part is I totaly had to get into my dads car like I didn't have my pants off two minutes ago.
when i was 16 reading the aftercare instructions at the piercing place i wondered why they would ever think to warn me about getting semen in my bellybutton
then i met college
do you ever facebook stalk someone so much you think their inside jokes are yours?
they said he just opened the front of his shirt and threw up alll over himself
I just found out my first birthday was a keg party. Suddenly everything makes sense
You are colorful like whore, yet adorable, like sad puppy. You need more drink.
Just did my hair and make up at mcdonalds so we're in the same boat.
Why doesn't he get that I would rather give him blow jobs than be in a relationship?
I was mid hand job and stopped me because he wanted to "connect" which meant putting his thumb in between my eyebrows and a hand over my heart and closing our eyes...
I'm going to need a Jurassic park sized pooper scooper to deal with all this shit last night caused.
Thats just a parental red flag. They have been brainwashed. Lets baptize them into the church of PBR
I survive off of bourbon and the tears of others only
Many a woman has been in tears over the passing of my penis' whorish ways.
Still, being medically ordered to stuff things in your vagina is amazing.
well we woke up in different beds than the ones we originally fell asleep in, you were butt naked, and your boyfriend was sleeping on a cot in the middle of the kitchen. that might be why he's mad.
Randomize
