I am so gay it hurts my loins. Going to see She's Just Not That Into You... again. Ohhh my goodness.
He looks like the kind of guy that still collects pokemon cards
the Monday before Thanksgiving is not a Monday at all. Just Thursday in Monday suit.
People are handing out olympic condoms downtown, just put it on and it broke, this is how there trying to raise the population. Very sneaky canadian government, very sneaky
The only piece of furniture in the apartment is a wine rack.
He's cheating on his wife, and he's judging me for eating McDonalds
Overdraft my account again. Parents are starting to ask questions. What would go over better a gambling or drug addiction??
i'm gonna fuck his crew, i'm gonna wax my asshole. i'm gonna make them all cry tears of sex joy then move to colorado.
It's a drunk scavenger hunt.
Everything on the list counts for double points if done naked.
My apartment smells like a lavender field inside of a giant bong.
He has silky zebra print sheets, which you would think he put on just for me, but the bed was unmade. Did I just sleep with a closet case??
As long as you keep bringing fries home, i'll keep being naked when you get home
You know it was a good night when you wake up w/o a shirt in someone elses living room next to a pancake on a spoon in a bowl of spaghetti.
I was so drunk I got motion sickness from sex.
right after that u started calling me g-force and started trying to bellyslide down his drive way
Randomize
