hey babe. i'll pick you up in my mom's car. with my mom. she has nothing to do tonight.
This ginger kid smells like a queef popsicle
So I used the "I've never cummed from a BJ before" line last night.
And that worked?
9 for 9! Not only does it give them a goal but they have a sense of accomplishment afterwards.
I made a google map for "places I got blow jobs"
went from writing my paper to watching obamas speech to crushing beers and singing springsteen in a crowd of 100 within 20 minutes. I love this country
That was a $3000 rug we rolled him down the hill in.
Not sure if it's my shorts, hat, shoes, hair or soul but one of the above just got me drunk again from the glorious aroma of Keystone Light.
we're all going for beer and wings at 7. inflate your girlfriend and bring her along too.
Will you be super villain lesbian lovers with me for halloween?
i love it when bitches who pick on you in high school get fat. thank you facebook you have made my day.
Tip: never mention Guy Fieri during sex
It's days like today that make me happy I'm not a porn star.
HEY I WILL KIDNAP THE FUCK OUT OF YOUR PET GOAT
i passed out in front of ihop...for the second night in a row. i think i need to reevaluate my life choices
its a comptetion of fuckups and im HERE TO WIN
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