I just broke up with my girlfriend lets go find strippers that need rent money.
My mom foundout about my dui nd just called me to come home. I just took acid like 30 min ago. Wht should i do?
she makes me feel like im THAT guy in the taylor swift song
Just whacked off in the middle of writing a paper, gave me great ideas. Note, should do this more often.
She's a Laker fan, her sister is a Celtic fan... no matter who wins I'm getting a celebration bj from one of them!
At a St Pats house party. Just raised $110 for two short chicks to crawl into a dog cage together. Video forthcoming. Respect.
WHY. COME BACK. TRAPPED WITH ROOMMATE AND FALCON. SAVE ME. I HAVE HUMMUS.
He told her hed rather go bobbing for apples in puke than have sex with her.
Make me a sandwich
The day you make me feel like my detachable showerhead does I'll make you a sandwich.
Somehow my drug dealer is stuck in my air-vent and now everything smells like patchouli, weed, deoderant and sweat.
he played intl players anthem 4me and ate a strawberry out of my pussy
Not this time. I'm drinking in my sweatpants which means I've given up for the day and shouldn't be in public.
She dated an Australian guy or some dude with an accent. Normal guys don't stand a chance.
CHALLENGE ACCEPTED.
This is a life or shit situation. Grab me toilet paper asap. This bathroom is fucking out. This is not a test. This an actual emergency and I am not joking.
Our faces when the strip club was closed looked like the grinch just stole Christmas ☹️
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