so i realized that everyone figured out i was a slut before i did. then i realized that no one felt like telling me. sometimes i think you just keep me around for entertainment.
you're right.
i told him my stretch marks were scars from a jellyfish sting........he totally bought it
So I decided to start saving money for my abortion in a tomato sauce jar because it says ‘Prego.’ I know I thought it was fucking genius!
We smoked a joint and talked about his parent's divorce. It was like being fifteen all over again.
She had a little wicker basket of condoms by her bed. Disturbing yet convenient.
sorry i was making out with matt didn't mean for it to sound like that. there was no tone
there should be a new saying, don't text and tongue
He still lectured me about forgetting shit. Than he said he's gonna paint me green so I can stand in a corner and be a plant.
Why is there an ambulance refusal in my pocket? I'm never going drinking with you again.
I messaged him asking for his address. He replied with the address then said, "If you're gonna stalk me, I'm the third window on the side and usually get naked around 8am and anytime randomly after 6pm (listen for music).. If you're sending anthrax, I'm 6'2" 225lbs so send a good amount."
I'm putting my hangover kit in my car for the trip to work tomorrow morning. Dedication
He was more upset that I got into his phone than about getting caught cheating.
You know you've made it in life when the people in the next stall are cheering on your orgasm
That awkward moment when you realize you've been secretly blackout dating someone for three months. Drunk me is in a committed relationship.
we went book shopping, so yes this relationship is going to be about more than sex
Its one of those days... someone might die
Would a picture of my dick help?
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