brad dismisses pussy with prejudice
Nothing screams don't date me louder then having your baby as your profile pic
You couldn't hold yourhead up but you managed to unzip my zipper. That's skill..
She tried catching cigarette ashes on her tongue like snowflakes.
I think we should roll her a welcome back, sorry your godmom's on life support blunt.
I plan on drinking enough to kill at least 2 frat boys and make an aa meeting weep for joy
I feel like we have both made good decisions regarding our vaginas lately
I'm drinking your booze since you ate my pop-tarts. I'm telling you this because I still don't think it's a fair trade.
What I'm saying is DOWNGRADE. Like, do you see the caps lock?
The bachelor party was supposed to stay local but I think were in mexico.
You tried to stop drinking but then she started feeding you tequila with a spoon. You were like an adorable baby bird.
I remember yelling at him telling him that the strippers were "nice people."
Is she still on a quest to lick every stranger that enters the bar, or have the restraining orders reached critical mass?
He literally asked permission to hit on me
If you wear a peguin suit you MUST send me a picture!!!
Randomize
