Yea and his cousin visited from central and i fucked her i was texting him at work teasin him about it but sent it to his mom by accident
Maryland truck stops are full of people with killer mustaches
I think my penis got bigger when i lost weight
i had to apologize to my friends for being friends with me
Well the good news is my "i'm an adult" dinner party went well, they all brought wine and complimented my cooking abilities. the bad news is i woke up with the leftovers in my bed/on my face
On a separate but also a very relevant note, can we practice drinking wine like real people?
I cannot be this high in this house. This house has so many of my secrets in its walls.
We pretended the crowd cheering the Thunder's win was cheering for us while we had sex on the couch.
I just wanna go somewhere and not be judged for wearing spandex shorts that make my ass look like a slice of fucking heaven. Is that so much to ask??
Then she said I give the best mouth hugs and bar went silent.
He started screaming when he saw my dog. He thought it was a polar bear
I just jerked off in front of my dog to make him jealous of my thumbs. There are consequences for stealing the last cheeto!
She had a tattoo of Luke Bryan on her thigh and she made me waffles. Can I have two fiancees?
Holy shit I've found my last one night stand in my Gran's knitting club
I think I'm gonna cut my hair just so I stop waking up with semen in it
I don't want his dick, I want his flame thrower!!
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