I took my penis out way before I got to the bathroom and some dude kicked me out.
And that's when I found out that Patrick wasn't in fact down with O.P.P.
you should buy a sheep. A) you get an awesome pet. B) free coat
I think my penis and your vagina just became best friends last night.
i literally paused in the middle of it, turned on my light, pointed to the picture netxt to my bed and go "you hooked up with my roommate too!!! AWWW!" he was so weirded out. i don't think he understands the relationship we have..we share..
Today's dinner table topic: the probablity of my dad turning gay if he ever left my mom.
he has the hands of the vagina gods.
Well you just missed the ten chi o pledges singing la bamba at our doorstep.
Then you started asking people on the drunk bus if they knew the word "gumption". if they didn't you told them they weren't taking advantage of their high education opportunities and you were disappointed in them.
Dude I broke her toilet blowing some dude. I wasn't going to turn down the 300$ he offered to fix it.
Vodka Vensday. With a Russian accent... It counts.
Yeah plus that night got so disgusting it's basically a repressed memory anyway
McDonald's and a car nap. I feel kinda human
Just paid for birth control in all ones do you think she is judging me?
We should form a club for all of us that have stabbed a sibling with a fork!
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