Remember that time i walked in on your friend taking a huge shit?
Remember that time you hooked up with him?
I like the name aiden. he likes stella. I told him they're coming out of my vagina, and I will name them what I damn well please. Stella goes.
sexting loses it's worth when you accidentally text your boss.
call of duty 2 was the straight man's twilight
so I finished the entire bottle...next thing I know, it's 8 am and I wake up on the fucking beach in the low tide with a family standing about 30 feet from me just staring.
Like if god were to send me a cock shot, that's what it would look like.
I think it was you who decided that coming home at 3AM and cooking eggs topless was the best way to end our night. Eating the scrambled eggs off each other's boobs, that was ellie's idea
the easter KEGG...out of a drunken typo there arose a new and spectacular holiday tradition
Dude, nobody just eats a banana these days. This chick wanted it. She wanted to get down with Charlie Brown.
with hottub sex, handcuffs, Pocahontas themed lap dances, and eating pumpkin pie off each other, I'm gonna say thanksgiving will be a success ;)
im so sad I can't openly talk about acid tab Sundays
I ripped off the screen and literally supermaned through my bedroom window. That wasted
Living alone for four weeks has given me unrealistic expectations of pantslessness.
I have a weird question... did you bite my back last night?
Just got an x-ray done of my hip and you can clearly see the outline of my penis in it. When the doctor saw it she said "wow I haven't seen one that big on an x-ray before." Pretty sure the doc and the nurses are going to be talking about me on their lunch break.
Randomize
