the first call I got in the morning was from visa fraud prevention so yeah it was one of those nights
jacking off on stolen wireless... gotta enjoy the small things in life
She woke up laying on my kitchen floor, ketchup bottle as her pillow, in front of my fridge.
Theres a live mouse in the toilet. Goddamn you this is why I don't party here
I'm having Vietnam flashbacks. This Kid I hooked up with is speaking in class and I keep experiencing the terror.
I bet it kind of sucks while you do community service I'm getting blown in the shower. haha
One day. I will touch his hair. I'm curious if it'll be like a soft cloud.
You took it upon yourself to rid the world of them, and by that I mean you dressed up as Batman and started kicking them in the shins.
There's holes in the drywall and the beer pong table is a broken door on two barstools. You know they like to party.
Is cereal technically a soup?
Fuck, I'm high.
Nah. After about 5 shots he decided he needed to clean the gutters. We're headed to the hospital now so meet us there.
Drunk assassins creed leads to explaining to my father that "it was only a steak knife in the arm"
This Christmas I would like to thank Jesus for cocaine.
I swear to go if the response she sends me something along the lines of who the fuck is Mark Hamill I might need to brake up with her.
I just gargled with NyQuil
Randomize
