I'm quite proud of this turning point from one night stands to giving some guy a BJ to fix my car for free.
The water bill last month was outrageous. We have got to stop fucking for hours in the shower
She sucked my dick while i watched james bond. And they say marriage sucks
Really? And is this the kinda party we talked about earlier?
Yup. It's just me crying in a closet eating soup
I feel as though sleeping all day due to the effects of prescription painkillers paid for by union insurance made this the most American day ever for me
Went to bed with a bowl of spaghetti O's on my chest, I make my own breakfast in bed. New level of laziness
So he noticed that I cut a half inch off of my hair. Guess who just earned himself some road head on the way to the twin cities?
Something tells me tonight will end with me wearing my pants on my head again.
The cashier looked at my basket, looked at me and said "That's a lot of wine." I looked at her and said "Mother in law." She nodded approvingly.
how do you know everyone's mad at you?
I just woke up feeling shameful
I think I hear the ice cream truck
I could be going crazy though
NO IT IS THE ICE CREAM TRUCK IT'S ALMOST AT YOUR STOP
I just put a pill up my vagina. It was little like a quail egg. There is so much happening up there right now.
the D I S R E S P E C T of sending someone nudes, them opening it, and not bothering to respond
Unless your name is actually "Ticfj" like my phone says, I have no idea who you are...
3 weeks in a row I've pulled '69' at the deli counter...God is giving me shit for not getting laid in a year....
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