Racial profiling caused me to miss two cabs but the third cabs the charm - he's playing Jesus Music
All she gave me for breakfast was raw toast. How can she expect me to eat raw toast?
You mean bread?
ok, his religious views on facebook are madonna lyrics. we no longer have to wonder about his sexuality.
he actually proposed, and i threw up on him...i guess 5 glasses of wine was a bad idea.
hey sry I lost all my numbers who is this?
pat the guy you slept with
still need a last name
I feel like college is just an experience in what names I can't name my future son.
Why am I a bad person? You were the one trying to get people to eat tape.
Nope, just sitting on the couch, eating an advent calendar, being depressed about the herps.
Come over we're drinking with orange soda as a chaser to honor 90s nick kenan and kel.
I can't handle dick pics with conversational captions
She said, I've heard about you, from girls you wouldn't even be interested in. What?
One last thing: he lists glow sticks and tacos as things he can't live without. How would we not be friends??
Oh man I wish I could've gotten a picture of how many anti-circumcision stickers are on this Prius
The cat was building a spaceship out of the carpet, my legs were cans of tomato sauce, and there was something else in that pot you gave me.
Officially not baby mama #3. Celebration is in order.
Randomize
