I just want to know how you cleaned her puke off the twister mat with no gloves. And didn't throw up
I just had the fat girl at the party come tell me I look sad and offer me a beer. I'm out.
My parents showed me my IQ test from fourth grade, I'm shitting on my potential.
Banging bitches in a bar bathroom is not legit as it was in college, there are no fistpumps afterward only shame
He said he loved me so I pretended not to hear it because I don't think "I love your penis" was the response he was looking for.
In all seriousness...vodka, almond milk and chocolate syrup make a decent white russian.
Apparently I told his new girlfriend to stop swallowing because she's getting fat. Oh, and I yelled this across a large room
oh no, don't get me wrong.. she IS really pretty. If you are in to horses or Sarah Jessica Parker.
currently waiting for her to check in on Facebook, the second she does I'm there. someone is getting laid tonight
I'm not stalking, she is pretty much begging me to come find her if she checks in
I thought I was smashed last night but the girl trying to pee in the fridge had me beat. True story.
I can't believe I came last night staring into my profile pictures eyes.
my grandpa paid for my boob job but he just doesn't know it.
My mom's yelling at me for being a whore and my dad's quizzing me on how to drive in winter weather....I'm home!
I am in no place to make rational decisions, but right now i want you inside me
Is she talking about a testicle cuff or just a cock ring? How did you meet this girl?
Is there a big difference?
It’s about the same as the difference between a night of drunken sex with a stripper at the Bellagio and being robbed and left for dead by a crystal meth tweaker
Randomize
