I woke up around 30 bottles of beer, with a piece of aluminum foil in my hand, that had "you Win" Wrote in sharpie..
Superbowl + Mdma, hope we're on the same page.
I have some memory of taking a dump in a guitar case.
At beerfest, hammered, going to try to not get naked in public but i cant make any promises
We are probably going to have to use your boobs as currency to get this done
God my Facebook chat is a graveyard of old blowjobz
If I am going to pay someone to make me puke, it's going to be the bartender.
It wasn't the stripper that gave you the hickey but I just figured out who did
Hey. Hey you. Just wanted to let you know that I'm adorable. FUCKING ADORABLE. That is all. This update brought to you by our proud sponsor bud light.
If we worried less about pouring champagne down stripper crack, we probably wouldn't skip so many meals.
I actually bought food at McDonald's as an apology for what I was about to do to their bathroom.
When you wake up so hungover that you don't even wanna cough for fear of vomiting... It's not gunna be a good day.
I just got hit with cramps and found a mystery pill. I'm gonna stay put for an hour and at least see what happens.
My boobs weigh the same amount as 25 pancakes
The last thing I remember saying was "Tequila for all!!"
If you count the sounds from the room down the hall....that was definitely NOT the last thing that came out of your mouth.
Randomize
