yeah after seeing those pics of her puking into my underwear drawer i remembered again why i didn't want to invite her.
you didn't check your sock drawer yet did you
I'm proud of our boobs and what they could potentially achieve in life.
I realize now that I left my pants on that table in the downstairs bathroom at you house on Tuesday....
You left a trail of sequins from your dress incase we got lost
The bosnian sent me a sext with his dick next to a comcast remote. It went up to the "stop" button. Ironic and appropriate. Grab your remote and imagine it.
You've ruined television for me.
They just kept handing me shots and saying welcome to college
My parents are takin me for chinese food for my 4/20 present.
I fucking hate you.
there's fuck elsewhere to go, I'll be there with 8 lbs of bronzer on my tits
I wish there was an emoji to express our Eskimo Brothership
The multiple male orgasm is a real thing. I've seen it. I've caused it. I called him a unicorn.
Finals week game: One shot for every psychological trauma I've been through that I have to explain in detail. Man I hate my major sometimes.
I know they deliver ice cream, but do you think I can ask the delivery guy to watch the rest of the movie with me too?
Who the fuck is "nick from the beach last year"
No idea hahaha...why?
He just texted me.. Should I ask where I met him?
If he thinks I'm canceling my orgy to coddle his stupid fucking behavior, he has another thing coming
not even sure this counts as hungover but like my body can't exist in reality today
Randomize
