the guy next to me needed a pen, so I let him take one from my book bag. my panties are now being passed around the class...thank you for telling me you hid them in my bookbag.
if u cant get laid at this wedding we need to have a looooooong talk about the possibility of u becoming a lesbian
My near death experience also doubled as my coming out story
they all just nodded
I'd say the best part of the party was when you screamed to everyone that you were gettin dome on the reg
I no longer see him as a simple set of male genitalia attached to a very sexy body. The title "trophy fuck" seems wrong. Damn.
It's okay though. My mom didn't believe that they were mine cuz they were magnums. Having a surprisingly large penis ftw
I should know better than to trust a man I've seen cry on multiple occasions to give me accurate sports information.
I am day drunk. Get ready to see my dick.
This american gymnastics guy.... He just messed up. I feel so bad. I just wanna hug him until he stops crying. Not even in a sexual way. I just wanna hug him.
Babies are disgusting. I held one once. Then I washed my hands and rinsed my mouth out with wine.
Seriously. What did you do to me. You have a monstercoooooock.
I can't believe I just typed monstercoooooock. Twice.
I'm a terrible friend...i should have come right over instead of having sex for an hour and a half. :/ want anything from burger king?
So apparently I was a completely different person lastnight, one who drinks scotch and makes out with 55 year old men who look like inspector gadget
I kinda got drunk and threw my debit card into a bonfire so I don't have any money at the moment lol.
I had cheese pancakes which is pretty much just melting cheese in a frying pan and then eating it except youre in denial that your life is a wreck
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