There's a fat drunk walrus bitch here next to me and shes already puked and now falling on herself
OH FUCK NOW HER BOYFRIEND IS MAKING OUT WITH HER VOMIT HOLE
Sounds like a good blink 182 concert...
Well, what part of "I've heard she has crabs" didn't you take into consideration?
Taking my tights off outside the club to give them to the homeless man was my contribution to humanity. The fact that it was snowing just made me feel like superman.
dude, you cant keep using "she roofied me" as an excuse to bang all these fat chicks
I recommend you throw your keys as far as you can in one direction, your phone as far as you can in the opposite direction, and hold on.
I was so intoxicated last night I was giving out my real name and number ugh.
He's carved the words "SLAM STATION" into his headboard...
I still can't believe that I ate McDonald's off of my chest in his bed...
Cross faded me is not the classiest.
No not at all haha I wish there was a picture of that
I fell asleep in the tanning bed, naked, for an hour and a half and I guess they couldn't wake me up so they called the fire department...and they came in while I was passed out naked...
What the matter? A girl can't play some Super Mario without being accused of being high?
AND HOLY SHIT FLUBBER IS ON NETFLIX
Yeah, I mean I'll probably fuck him regardless but I'm trying to be a lady about it.
Don't take advice from me. I'm simultaneously shitting and eating cheesecake.
I just woke up in the closet wearing nothing but a Santa hat.
The most awkward thing in the morning is seeing your teacher's dick right before you go to his class.
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