I was just walking through Burbank and saw a hobo using solar panels on his shopping cart. We must be in trouble if the hobos are researching alternative sources of fuel...
You really need to take down the pics of you and your boyfriend on facebook. It's becoming increasingly harder to jerk off while i'm Facebook stalking your pics at 2am.
Just puked in a mcdonalds cup while driving. Didn't even swerve.
I'm on page 4.
Im on beer infinity
The dentist just giggled when he accidentally shot water across my face, I can sense how he treats women.
I can always tell its time to do laundry when my vibrator doesn't stay covered up in my sock drawer.
I am currently watching him baptize himself in a baby pool with a handle of belvedere while wearing a coral dress.
I want to have sex with him.
I love being high. The owl outside stopped who-ing and I could swear I just heard someone say, "Okay, that's a wrap!"
Jesus Christ. If I were a normal sex-having person, I'd think I was knocked up. I'm cycling through emotions like I'm in a decathlon to crazy.
my night stand is a mini fridge, dont even try to get on my level of laziness.
I have a rash on my arm from the cat litter. Think the cat will be mad that I peed in its box?
At first I was nervous about leaving him my undergraduate legacy, but apparently he made out with lesbians, woke up with hickeys and a different shirt. My family name will survive.
"I feel morally obligated to vote for him since he's my drug dealers dad"
I just woke up drenched in beer, in a puddle of beer, and cuddling a bottle of tequila
You should probably come home from vacation now. I make badddd decisions when you're gone.
Randomize
