After last night, I could never be a politician.
handjob tips. give me some.
I woke up in my girlfriends bed with another guy laying next to me. wtf.
One of the bamboo sticks broke and impaled him. I think he's drunk enough that it shouldn't hurt until tomorrow.
I just banged that chick from the bar by speaking french. all i had to do was recite my grocery list
speaking of graduation plans, i'm blacked out eating sausage
I really wanna know when trying to grow up turned into try not to throw up.
Maybe tomorrow I'll be drunk again and can provide you with texts at a more reasonable hour. Here's hoping. GOodnight. Tebow loves you
I think you should just bang him and get it out of your system.
That's what you say about everyone.
My boobs keep hanging out of this shirt. I think thats the style I'm going for tonight
You know you've been on Tinder too long when you're the guy cropped out of the profile pic. Of a woman you're still seeing...
I think my pickup truck has been used for the sex... This doesn't sit right with me.
Dear sober self, your keys are on the table in front of you the only way your typing this is with autocorrect goodnight love you
If you wake up, and some of your hair is singed off, it probably has something to do with the lit cigarette you put in your hair. You said it could double as a bobby pin...?
I just came in my own mouth don't ask me how cuz it really hurt and felt good at the same time.
Randomize
