We won't sleep together?
there are some really hot girls on the bus. i want to lips them
I'm calling you out on twitter if you don't come over right now.
If he can handle my muffin top then I can handle his front teeth.
I wish my grandma would stop using the phrase "he pulled out" when she's talking about her contractor quitting his job.
I don't give a shit about soccer but I'm really excited about drinking at 7 in the morning
I wonder what a non-hungover friday at work is like
remind me again why lemons and alcohol in the crock pot is a bad idea?
Petty good. I just stapled a 5 dollar bill onto the chest of a sword swallower.
He was saying things like "cum for me like a good girl" and "put my entire python I like to call a dick in your mouth" .. Okay I might have changed that one a bit
The bump on my forehead, i think, was from falling asleep at front door, on my knees, slumped over. But we played good music so what?
A boy just offered to come over and help me clean my house. I hope you are more successful than he will be tonight.
There is a special place in hell for people who only eat the center of the pot brownies.
I gave your mom a discount on her coffee, its my way to say thanks for having a son that makes me come every time
This past week everybody of fb either got rings or semen. All I got was Covid.
Randomize
