just threw up while drinking by myself. This is all your fault. You here = a good night, You not here = alcoholism
i freaking love being in a circle of guys. if i fart none of them suspect me.
dude i dont realllllly have to fuck her do i? its just a mess down there and i think im gonna cry
it was like one of those moments where the couple runs together and kisses and everyone in the airport claps. but instead of clapping an indian guy walked by and said 'ahhhright! get some!'
Its 4 am and he honestly tried throwing pizza at his ceiling for decorations
The dingo escaped by eating a hole through my screen door. It's loose in the city somewhere.
We somehow managed to get the sumo-wrestler costume into the washing machine, but I don't think the cupcake icing completely came off... And it still smells like tequila.
When I don't want to forget things I put them on my cigs.
C smoking isn't all bad
Confession: Sometimes I wear my stolen scrubs to the corner store because people will think I'm a doctor and not just a girl too lazy to change out of her pajamas.
Hope you had your fill for the summer my friend, because all the cleavage has been put away for the winter. Fear not; it blooms again in May.
You tired to make us "vodka tacos". Which was just you dipping pitas in vodka.
Any good?
Well. FUCK YA. But that's beside the point
were facing impending death from north korea and were sitting here snorting tylenol to get high.....where did our lives go wrong?
I told him i turn boys gay hoping that would scare him off. Finally i found a way to take advantage of my disability.
Last night I somehow got INCREDIBLY wasted & thought it was a good idea to make a group chat with all the guys I'm hooking up with and just say "bye." soo I'm hiding out till next week.
My sister gave me satin sheets. We can fuck on satin sheets.
Randomize
