Ive never seen someone more dtf than a soaking wet drunk girl who stumbles into your backyard.
I just febrezed the jizz on my pants and wore them again, gross or eco-friendly?
Eco-friendly.
You know what is really helpful - when the two guys you want to fuck stand next to each other. Stay tuned for who wins
The new google images is a smorgasbord of porn now are plans for tonight are off.
The gym is handing out free condoms this week, motivation to work out this week?
at what point last night did we decide it was okay to let me hitch hike to another bar?
I IMAGINED YOU YELLING SURPRISE WITH JAZZ HANDS. AND I LOVE YOU FOREVER
It's a never ending cycle of men I've fucked knowing other men I've fucked. I need a new town.
Is re-gifting a Valentine's Day present worse than re-gifting a Xmas one?
You're unbelievable, unbelievably awesome.
I mostly blame me being such a miserable fuck on the fact that I was born on a Monday.
Update: his apartment is apparently in the campus Christian community center. The fact that I fucked him on the couch in the lobby is officially my crowning life achievement.
We need to get me chipped asap
Dick very happy bro
I just woke up and there was a condom wrapper stuck in my hair. This is my life.
Didn't you sleepover at your grandparents?
On today's episode of "What the Shit Did I Do Last Night," drunk me deleted ALL of the text messages I've ever had. Awesome.
Randomize
