Got some. In a truck. I will just pee you in the morning i guess?
I only make drug deals in a British accent. It's my way of making sure it doesn't get too sketch.
coming out of a blackout being surrounded by Disney police was not as awesome as it sounds.
Today the house voted to defund Planned Parenthood but to continue funding NASCAR. I fucking hate everything.
what part of what i said meant "bring a bowl"
"bouncy castle"
In that case, I'll try 2 find a date. But my options are AA friends or fuck buddies.
Me and him getting it in is for special occasions only. Like Christmas and when they bring the McRib back.
I won't let penises inside me if you won't let tequila inside you, deal?
Gramp just called her sex-on-a-stick. AKA HE CALLED HER A WHORE. My 75 year old grandfather just called your ex's new thing a whore.
Successfully defrauded the county government. What have you done today?
She just started crying. With my dick still inside her. Something about her grandpa.
I was 40 minutes late to work today because I was getting fucked. Walked in to discover that it's apparently performance review day. Employee of the year.
I just spent 100$ at a sex shop to make myself feel better. And I signed you up to win 200$ so if you win, it's mine. And yes I'm serious.
I fucked her with a giant balloon tied to my dick. You tell ME how my night went
I woke up with leftover chocolate syrup on my nipples. WTF happened last night??
Randomize
