You give one guy a hand job and suddenly everyone wants to get with you
i've come to the conclusion that there is no classy way to apply chloroseptic spray to your butthole.
My mom just walked in on me and my girlfriend about to have sex. All she said was "You're lookin like a fool with your pants on the ground.."
what has two thumbs and is going to bang you boss on monday?
beyond obliterated. i recall legitimately trying to use a ballpoint pen as eyeliner.
I really hope our interview with channel 6 last night doesn't air or else my parents are gona get a first hand look at my alcohol problem
I just sat there and watched paula deen's face melt for an hour.
Halfway through lecture, some kid in the front row threw up IN his hands. Professor held the door for him to carry it out.
N I'm drinking this invention I call "do-it-fluid" I had a bottle of vodka that was 3/4th empty, so I put in 1/4th rum, 1/4th tequila, 1/4th whisky... it's definitely the worst idea ever..
But I REALLY want to hide my crazy for as long as possible with him so he'll date me.
I'm so drunk. Remember me this way.
He made a deal with his real estate agent called fucking in 50 properties for sale
I feel fine lol. I tried climbing a tree but the branch broke and I got arrested.
God help them if any millennials are in the vicinity. Rent is too high and we no longer fear death
Honestly, you can’t tell the whole sorority he has a donkey dick and expect that no one would sleep with him after you broke up
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