We are like the golden girls with less cheesecake and more drugs.
Just found a hundred dollar bill on the ground. Hope you're looking to drink tonight
And then he used the flashlight app to illuminate me giving him head. Thanks IPhone
You've had your dick in my mouth. I don't think there are all that many barriers in our friendship at this point.
He passed out with the ball in his hand so no one could play beer pong without him.
She's currently upstairs fucking her boyfriend while I am downstairs making them a sex playlist watching her boyfriend's Weiner dog and large Boxer try and mount each other. Marvin Gaye is playing. This is the ultimate third wheel fail.
perfect. if all else fails remind him how anxious he is. talk real fast and induce a panic attack that only I can remedy with xanax.
I'm confused as to why I have a picture of your boobs in response to a photo of my father
she comes in perfect pitch. hook up with more singers.
At least I had a $10 coupon for Plan B today. Smart shopping for bad decisions
I have someone saved in my phone as "This Hoe Ain'tit' Loyal" and I'm missing my superman boxers. Explain.
I have one goal now that I am in the USA. To find a man I can fuck into marriage before my visa runs out.
He woke up to me masturbating during the presidential address. Now he won't stop making jokes.
I was really excited when I saw a billboard for neverbethirsty.org this morning. Then I realized it was for a church.
Bleach your asshole, I'm on my way.
Who is this?!?!
Randomize
