i wish they had a 'baby daddy' section in halmark, like, "hey, i know you didn't want this child and you're doing a horrible job, but here's to making you cry on fathers day"
I can blatently call girls sluts here and they think i'm speaking norwegian
If her picture on my phone wasn't mostly of her breasts, I'd never pick up the phone when she calls.
she both took care of me and took advantage of me. it was BEAUTIFUL.
ok... i just had to be reminded that people in animal costumes were feeding me shots at the bar.
You see.... Im at the point in my life where pissing in a toilet is a luxury for me
why does he always try to puke into shot glasses
I just passed a truck with its bed lined with a tarp and filled with water with six dudes chilling in the back driving through campus. That looks fun.
Let's just say we ended up at Denny's with a strippers shoe that we had to discreetly leave at the door to the strip club this morning
Matt's offering to breast feed it.
Blocking me on Facebook doesn't change the fact that you've had my penis in my mouth. So there's that.
You would seriously think I would remember who put themselves in my phone as Burt Rynalds Moustache, but I don't. And I need to be reminded of who you are so I can give you a proper high five.
I still think it's strange your mom saw me 93% naked with a Santa hat on and a raging boner. Tis the season right?
at what point last night did i get this tattoo of an anchor made of dicks?
around eleven
I woke up using a beer can as a pillow. successful party?
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