i just spit dirty mouth water on my dentist. and apparently grinning sheepishly and saying "my b" doesn't make it better
this just has baby written all over it
i was so drunk he made me beileve the song was called "thanksgiving sex."
If Bret Micheals dies..will VH1 have to go off the air?
Is being a pregnant whore worse than an average one?
I woke up at 3am naked and stroking a watermelon.
Correct me if I'm wrong, but I did not stop moving last night. If tequila gives me that extra push to have an active lifestyle, so be it.
i just remembered i chipped my tooth last night when i pulled up your pants zipper with my teeth
He decided not to draw dicks on my face when I passed out because he was afraid I'd retaliate and superglue his dick to his stomach....he knows me too well.
Hypothetically, if a stripper with braces bites you on the cleavage and it leaves an open wound, do you need a tetanus shot?
Sorry, I was watching the Olympic story about the Canadian guy and drinking out of the prescription bottle and crying because it was so beautiful.
So you broke your ribs while fucking? Dude you just got about 25% hotter.
Tbh.. I hope he still watches our sex tapes so he can be reminded of what he's missing out
In hindsight, maybe rearranging his living room because he has OCD while he was out wasnt the greatest idea. Though it'll keep him busy for HOURS
Well when I woke up this morning I didn’t think I’d be masturbating to my own LinkedIn profile today but here we are
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