Is it possible to jerk off a nipple?
...i had to draw her a diagram of her own vagina. including a little arrow to the clitoris. shouldn't it be the other way around?!?
Tried to buy Xanax from my boss last night. Wrong Mike.
Wow, you know I need to stop drinking alone when I pour my drink into my hand and offer it to my dog,
I got a lap dance until she said they wipe of the poles between each dance to clear the "std slime", i couldnt even masterbate at home it was a horrible military monday
is facebook stalking your hot therapist socially acceptable?
How is it I was the last to know everyone calls me tig ole bitties? Did y'all have a meeting about this that I wasn't invited to?
last night a police horse bit me when i was wasted. even the animal kingdom knows i'm no good
I was super naked---except I kept my shoes on, because I'm a lady, and I was bent over a bar.
I am in the bathroom at work, pooing while eating pretzels. Hungover Fridays are in full effect
I had sex in a panda mask the other night.
I had sex with him and I blame the Doritos
I am dancing alone in my bathroom because I was paranoid the neighbors were watching through the windows
fuck st louis. fuck their hockey. fuck their basball. fuck their football if they still got it. fuck their tiddlywinks teamm. fuck their ribs. fuck their entire city. what im trying to say is i dont like st louis
I’ve chosen to watch a Mercedes station wagon drive around the Austrian in the rain because it’s live sports. If that doesn’t explain 2020, I don’t know what does.
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