I met the nicest Tranny last night. He/She loves Cheetos.
she is unbelievable! ever pee on a girl?
not while she was awake
I think im pregnant
I think you have the wrong number
why did they invent bidet's? your butt gets clean when your poop falls in the toilet and splashes up anyway...
please don't call me when you're wasted. i don't feel like having any other future arguments at 3:18am about how to hang up your phone. you have a flip phone, you should know regardless of how fucked up you are.
the three of them together have enough kids to fill a barney live audience.
Too bad my thesis topic isn't "defining a hot mess: a study in drinking, smoking and other bad life decisions."
You tried to poop in the sink last night.
MY DOG FOUND A BAG OF COKE ON THE SIDE OF THE ROAD!!!!!!!!!!!
AND ITS GOOD STUFF TOO!!!!!! AHHH!!!!!!
took 4 advil with a shot of vodka, figure i'd try to save myself now
If I have to give a UPS guy a lap dance, you owe me a drink.
drunk freshman in the bathroom puking keeps saying "i'm a peasant" over and over
We're both great liars, in committed relationships, and horny. Its the perfect storm of cheating
He told me if he passed out to wake him by sitting on his face, and if he suffocated at least he would die happy. Found the one.
Ripping out my IUD in Dave and busters bathroom
Randomize
