We took shots in honor of Shark Week.
he screamed my twitter name while we were having sex.
Having skype sex with him in the lounge at 1:45am...THIS IS WHAT HE DOES TO ME
Oh just living the dream. And by living the dream I mean drinking franzia out of a martini glass and watching family matters. Also, drinking every time Carl Winslow has a mustache and Eddie wears MC Hammer pants
He's like a perfect storm of amazing hair and horrible judgment.
Breakfast tacos?
YOU ARE A FOUNTAIN OF GREAT IDEAS
I would take a bullet for Beyonce's baby
The thing is that despite the high paying career and the increased responsibility, my life hasn't changed that much. Only instead of blacking out on $2 wells at some dive I blackout on top shelf martinis in a suit. Oh and only on Fri & Sat nights. Being 30 doesn't suck as bad as everyone led me to believe.
A woman on my train just walked down the carriage in a wedding dress, crying and clutching a can of Carlsberg. Oh...
Should I take my grandma to a keg tomorrow or not? Serious question
He's living a porn movie. He's slept with a waitress at her work for lunch, a bar tender at the bar that night, and the cleaning lady the next morning.
My liver is whispering mean things about me to my kidneys. It's a fucking miracle I'm not hungover. Lol
I have an interview tomorrow! The couple we regularly swing with said I could use them as references. Winning
Yiu ever laugh so hard you stop breathing? Turns out weed -can- kill you.
Best neighbors ever! They found the guy ive been wanting as a booty call and got me invited to the party the guy was at and gave me alcohol so i could be tipsy when met him. im never moving.
Randomize
