Well you will be happy to know that aaron carter hit on me
so i woke up with ketchup and a sticky boob on my face...this is a new low
did the walk of shame from ex-boyfriend's room only to find other ex-boyfriend sitting in the living room. some people shouldn't be allowed to be friends.
some people shouldn't be allowed to be desperate.
It's American, baby! There ain't nothin gross about America.
So we tried to 69 with him on top. NEVER TRY IT. His balls were in my eyes and it was terrifying.
my mom just informed me that im way nicer when im high and offered to supply my weed until our house guests leave.
does that include her cleaning your bowl?
Thats not what we're looking for. I want this kid to suck a lolly pop out of a stripper's snatch.
I'm sorry, you might have to start setting aside some time in your day for my pussy.
You poured your drink on him and called him a "useless cocksucker" because he wouldn't give you a ride home... on his skateboard
Found some boxer briefs on my patio table this morning surrounded by a case worth of empties. Starting to remember why I have rugburn and a sore asshole.
I never realized how you can accidentally go home with someone until tequila got involved.
I don't want the fire department to come out here twice in one weekend because of your god damn vape.
He keeps singing a song about someone called the dayman.
....fighter of the Nightman?
The lady in the stall next to me just screamed "why are you so hairy!?" and "why can't you get any!?" to her vagina. WTF
My apartment stinks of burning failure
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