So it turns out the white chocolate in the bathroom is actually soap
How many times do you have to sleep with a guy before you get him to kiss you???
im sleeping in a hamic at a mansion. best hangover ever
Can you explain to me why I woke up with my hands tied to the hotel bed with the phone cord???
we are still finding bottels filled with his pee. tom almost drank the one in the frig
hungover waitressing a bar association event. im being judged by actual judges.
I'm to the point that I've had the revelation that its physically impossible for my arms to be attached to my torso.
Nothing is creepier than a guy telling you "I was just thinking about you" in a men's bathroom when taking a shit
I have discovered my latent superpower. If a friend is dating a bi chick they will inevitably try and talk me into a threesome.
My final act is to send you this message. I love you. Tell my family that I love them. Except my dad. Tell him I said "Eh..." while rocking your hand side to side. And tell Tim that I will always love the idea of him. Tell Caleb I love him so. Take care of Miss Kitty Fantastico. Tell the world that I will watch over. Good bye. I love you.
Last night you said you were going to stop drinking and then proceeded to dip cookies in your vodka.
Sadly that explains a lot.
his butt looks cute in my panties so i decided he has to wear panties all the time from now on.
Someone just asked me if I was chewing red hot gum.... I'm LITERALLY SWEATING OUT FIREBALL.
You know that text I sent you last night at 2? That was 5 minutes before I ran face first into a wall of not okay
When I planned out my evening, "co-author lesbian vampire erotica" was not anywhere on my list of expected activities.
Me neither, but hey, this is where we've ended up. Let's embrace the moment.
Randomize
