TAKE DOWN THAT PHOTO OF ME IN THE NURSES COSTUME NOW.
his penis was like watching paranormal activity your very hyped up to see it but you think it might be very scary and in the end you didnt really see anything at all
My dad is drinking wine out of a measuring cup. This explains so much.
I was still in a towel. We hadn't even started drinking yet and the champagne bottle dropped and exploded literally up into my vagina.
I just wanted to clarify that I am not bisexual and had no intentions of ACTUALLY penetrating my roommate with a can of bugspray.
Do ex girlfriends even count for summer sexcapades. Seems like the damage had already been done
Victory lap
Drunk me thought he was hot enough to overlook the fact that he had poison ivy and still have sex with him. Sober me wants to know if you have any calamine lotion.
If it carries over into the weekend I would be glad to nurse your vagina back to health.
Also, ran into my neighbor across the street. He told me about scheduling his vasectomy. We are officially way beyond the acceptable point for asking his name again.
I couldn't find the bathroom last night...so I wrapped myself in the curtains and stuck my butt out the window and peed from two stories up. Thank god I don't remember.
So update from last night: I made friends with a coke dealer, I tore the card scanner off the wall of my dorm, and I passed out on our bathroom counter with my head in the sink.
Sometimes i think i need to stop drinking because i can't afford losing so many panties anymore
I wonder how many people I can tell that he has one nut before he finds out it's me spreading it.
The cashier looked at my basket, looked at me and said "That's a lot of wine." I looked at her and said "Mother in law." She nodded approvingly.
That means I have to put pants on. That is not something I am willing to do right now.
Randomize
