ohhh my god. this party should be titled "my hookups of summers past" be expecting some good stories tomorrow
WHY WOULD YOU LET ME MAKE THAT MUCH NOISE DURING SEX IN RESIDENCE ?!
I tried to push your face into the pillow but then you kicked like a donkey.
I love tequila.
I literally paid him in shots to clean my entire apartment. he even vacuumed...who said alcoholism is a bad thing??
Dude she was 62...with a boob job. And I'm proud to say I made out with that.
I will also be strapping forties to the puppies.
Ok, maybe I don't want to know what happened last night... But somehow I guess I moved the oven.
I'm drugging my best friend. I'm like a whole new level of bitch.
He is eating chips off the floor in the emergency room..
Not a clue. But I did find out that his penis has a British accent.
We're having chugging races with long island ice tea, I won. To often
I think it was clear she was setting us up when she brought me over to you and said "Present!"
He interrupted me giving him head to ask if I were hungry, because he wanted to eat pizza. Wtf.
We were sexting and i didn't know what to say, so i said i wanted to wrap him in tortillas and devour him like a burrito. then i went on by saying that i liked my burritos with a lot of cheese.
If it were up to me his wife would never get his penis again, but I guess they have some sort of arrangement
Yes, an arrangement called marriage
That's the 3rd negative pregnancy test this month. I'm on a roll.
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