So are we goin out tonight?
Dude, we woke up in your car in some parking lot last night...
And that was fun, wasn't it?
the power's out. i'm smoking weed by flashlight
i wish i was dedicated to anything like you are to weed
Seriously, I would hit on barney the dinosaur right now if it meant I was going to get laid.
He was in me and said I can't believe this happened because of facebook. MOOD KILLER.
I know it is almost summer when the students in my night class start showing up drunk.
I am assuming I was his dirty Mardi Gras mistake and I can live with that
Did you just reference Ludacris during my possible pregnancy scare of 2012?!
I've been randomly kik messaging bearded men I find on Instagram while sitting unshowered in my underpants. I'm like the girl version of a creepy uncle.
It was a book called Gay Safari.
I'm so happy for you now that you have found your perfect porn novel.
He can only pee with the faucet running. It's like I'm dating a fucking toddler.
I can't! Its just like the night that I bathed you, I didn't tell anyone.
I spilt beer on the table, and she quickly got a straw and yelled party foul and made me drink it.
He had an extremely smooth butt for a man with such rough hands.
We knew it was an interesting night when we found my thong wrapped around a chocolate chip muffin in the fridge.
I woke up naked with a duck on my head. I think something went horribly wrong.
Randomize
