Partly cloudy chance of praying to the porcelin gods
how the fuck does easy mac keep making itself at 3am when i'm wasted? what is this phenomenon?
were you wearing a green and blue thong last night?
yes! wait why?
because i found it in my pocket this morning...
I JUST WANT SOMEBODY TO EXPLAIN HOW FORESKIN WORKS AND DO NOT UNDERSTAND WHY THIS IS A PROBLEM.
he made me have a moment of silence for the half of my ice cream cone i threw away.
I don't really know I'm just giving her a key to get back in and the "don't get pregnant speech" and leaving it at that.
And i didn't ask you to do that, You showed your penis at your own free will.
Hung over. Bed full of legos for some reason. Not getting up. Come build stuff with me.
Maybe it was that imaginary ghost dick you were stuffing in your mouth a minute ago
Since when do you jog?
Since hot shirtless guy that lives across the street jogs
Is it too early in the day to be getting dressed for the strip club?
Thanks for being my pregnancy scare Sherpa...
WHEN YOU HAVE SEX WITH A GUY FROM A DIFFERENT COUNTRY YOURE SUPPOSED TO NEVER SEE THEM AGAIN
Ran up to the dollar store to get batteries for my vibrator. Happy Valentines Day!
I can't be a daydrinker without you. It just doesn't work.
I love you too.
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