I want to have your abortion
and that's why we call him explosion in my pants. no one remembers his real name.
I remember asking you "need some dick tonite?"
Yeah I guess to me frat party equals penis party. oh the wonders of vodka.
this just has baby written all over it
Remind them to make the "above the influence" commercial about us fallin off a ferris wheel
tonight is going to be epic. can you pre-book an ambulance?
i knew she was desperate at the point in which she started showing me her naked pics on her phone
Bring more bourbon. Day drunk just hit another level.
He just texted me from the outside of the hospital. He called the fat broad in the bar mrs snuffleupagus about 60 times and she broke a bottle of blackberry brandy over his head.
You seriously knocked all the beer off the table, broke the beer pong table, broke the bar and kept yelling "you have to warn me first!" all because I wouldn't let you have another four loco
honestly dont worry about it, its not the first time ive injured myself on a potted cactus during sexual relations with a woman
Let's ride this possibly pregnant train together
Doing shots with my high school valedictorian. Bucket list
Ah you cut my boxers off with scissors, we're way past introductions
I'm like a bad decision making factory. I need to sit down and have a chat with my decision making elves.
Randomize
