Nothing is worse than puking naked in front of strangers
Just come over and take your pants off. 35 mins tops. You'll be home before midnight cinderella
Our local strip club now has karaoke. Do you realize what this could mean for my sex life?
Can we please just celebrate being alive this far into the school year and just get drunk?
This is the first time I have ever hoped it's poison ivy on my cock
I ate goldfish off your shoulder, I think we had bigger issues
Say what you will, but only I can throw up on someone's door and make it look like art.
That's the last time I'm letting you drink that apple vodka
His girlfriends signaled their approval by pulling me off of him and in turn making out with me. I think I will hang out with this group more often
Saying someone's good at giving head is like saying someone is good at pouring juice like there is that one girl who will spill it everywhere but for the most part it's not that hard to be good at
I'm a professor! I can't be caught chasing the liquor with you hooligans once the undergrads have seen my face
you made a mix containing mostly whiskey. then you took a sip, gagged and yelled "perfect!"
Less adorably, the dog stared me down, yelping, while I gave him a morning blowie.
Before he left he told me if his girlfriend ever finds out, she'll take us both to an alley and kill us.
I woke up with my phone plugged into an extension cord in my garage. No clue how I got home. Videos of me flogging my roommate with my set of keys telling him he's the worst roommate ever. And my mom woke me up at 8am asking how to make a DVD...Goddamnit first Friday.
I have a dinner date combo blowjob event with Tristan tonight.
Randomize
