she was mega hot - except for the poop under her fingernails
You saying I have a drinkingg problem is like saying Superman has a flying problem.
Gonna post on craigs list missed connections - "I was that really drunk bitch that threw up in your car. I'd like to pay for detailing"
She was having a seizure right in front of you, and you asked, "So there's no more donuts?"
I didn't think it was possible, but that girl next door is even louder when drunk.
The last good decent convo we has was when I was trying to convince you to let me watch you pee.
I heard liver failure is in for 2012 anyways
Was in the middle of a keg stand, the frat guys dropped me, and I broke my nose. My mom didn't enjoy that call from the hospital.
The German just referred to my vagina as the Great Barrier Reef and that he was going to go diving in it.
his mom fetish really needs to stop. this is literally the 5th time i've come home from work and there's been some random skank and her kids in the living room.
did one of the kids use their poo like a crayon on the wall this time?
My roommate is fucking his gf in the shower and i really have to pee do i just bust in or pee on his bed
Can't be considered a walk of shame if you pick up donuts on the way home
Instead of going to my moms birthday party I went over and gave him head. I should win non girlfriend of the year award
yea i'll help you find a man. but, when I say jump, you say on who.
honestly, fuck you guys. i'm gonna get drunk by myself
Randomize
