I just spent $27 on things to pee on.
Have you seen my high heels that I wore out?
You mean the one that you threw at the parked cop car or the one in the microwave?
Sorry for punching you in the face last night. I should have known the boxing gloves were a bad idea from the start.
You look me right in the eyes and yelled "By the power of the superglue beer sword, I designate you my driver!" I almost felt honored.
The couch is in the bathroom. I don't understand how that is even possible. I couldnt even fit that shelf thingy through the door. Come help. I am about to pee my pants.
Nothing brings people closer than bonding over tequila shots and running from campus security.
What's your ideal size in a man?
I just asked if you could cover my shift tomorrow......
she wanted me to tie her up with my playstation charger cord. i kept on hoping she wasn't a squirter. those cords r expensive. could have def been a Sony commercial tho
You gave my cousin a blowjob and are facebook friends with my mom. Is there a name for this level of friendship?
If you could not mention to him that I slept with his best friend, that'd be cool of you.
Update: I spent 10 minutes trying to fish out a rogue vagina weight.
Officially spring today. First sighting of loud-ass Steller Jay on the balcony.
It's very finicky. Like baking. or BDSM.
I promised to leave my panties on but I didn't promise to not have sex
i'm currently watching a guy eat a bunch of cacti and i have lost all faith in humanity
**cactuseses
Randomize
