I don't know if the fire truck was perfect timing or if she actually burned something down.
Signed everyone in my dorm up for free samples of astroglyde. Took me an hour. Happy new years!!!!!
Why am I drunk on a roof painting at 11 in the morning
She brought up feelings... her days are numbered
In an m&m suit playing manhunt drunk. And you thought you werent guna have a good time
more embarrassing than that time i showed up to class in my hoodie and leggings because i over slept, and then as i zipped my hoodie down i realized i didn't sleep with a bra on or a shirt
Found my ex-boyfriend's money stash. Call the girls, we are getting fucked up tonight, my treat.
OMFG "ASS" JUST STARTED PLAYING ON MY PHONE VIA PANDORA AS IM IN THE CAR WITH A CONGRESSMAN FUCKKKK
Margaritas just taste better when they're bigger than your head
He's 30 years old and woke me up for a hand job. Last time I go home with someone I met through Tinder.
He's so sweet...I can't see him enjoying that I got injured during sex.
He deserves a nobel prize for his dick-giving abilities. 10/10, would ride again.
After 3 parties, all of them busted, and 4 field sobriety tests, I AM the cop whisperer
Officially not baby mama #3. Celebration is in order.
I just learned that I could drop out of school and spend the rest of my savings on a giraffe are you free this weekend
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