if i can run in heels then i can drive
I took her to see 2012 then broke up with her, the movie was a metaphor.
This is one of those situations that make me think to myself "what life decision did I make to get here"
It was just a squirrel
You act like its normal to see a squirrel in the bar
some gay kid said he wanted to blow him because "his eyebrows told a story"
i think they forgot i was still in the room... she grabbed his balls and said "i feel a fire coming on".
True life. I have to get a nose job due to a deviated septum from blowing coke. Thank you college.
I think I'm the only sober person in the whole bar. If you count drinking less than 10 tequilas sober.
How was that my fault?! I made you breakfast and gave you cake, as you asked. Then, you initiated sexual activity.
Just got a Snapchat of his dick with the caption 'We miss you.'
That's true love, there.
He asked me who my new boyfriend was and I showed him a picture of my sex toys.
My liver is preforming stress tests.
Yes we can sext. I'm taking my socks off.
The underwear in the garbage is clean. Just wipe the pizza sauce off
No I got a fucking mosquito bite on my vagina. Summer is off to a bumpy start.
Randomize
