If you liked it then you shoulda put your dick in it, oh uh uh oh
Sometimes i wish my penis was detachable that way i could take it off sometimes so i wouldnt get into these situations
I hope you remember pushing the girl off the stage because you said she wasn't good at pole dancing.
I am three bowls, two beers, and a muscle relaxer into babysitting. What are you doing.
I think you have the right to know, the water bottle you drank out of the other night is the bottle we use to catch what drips from the toilet. Love you!
If the world would stop letting me feel invincible I would probably stop doing this shit.
When you and Blake get an apartment I want you to buy this Costco couch I'm currently passing out on.
Theres a point where you stop and say hey....as high as I am on LSD right now ...I`m just a man covered in paint
I'm going to start charging you rent if you keep leaving your random conquests on my living room couch the morning after
Well I'm missing half a toenail if that's any indication of my night
just ran into my drill sergeant from basic 4 years ago. gonna take him home and have him fuck me at the cadence of quick time.
I made him watch the first 5 episodes of Game of Thrones before I decided to sleep with him.
Babe, holding my hair while i blow you doesn't count as being romantic
he'll eat me out, but god forbid we double dip when sharing salsa
I have had flashes of 69ing, a strawberry flavored condom and begging him to sleep naked.
Randomize
