So on facebook, the pictures from my church mission trip are right up next to the pictures of my first time on E. Sorry Jesus.
Weekdays seemed more exciting when I had a drinking problem. Like I had something to look forward to at night.
Its amazing how creative youll get when your house has been out of toilet paper for a week and a half
Meanwhile I am sitting on the couch with a 32 ounce rum and coke trying to decide if I'm too drunk to go get french fries.
Had to. She was getting married in 2 days & her vag was having a close out sale. You know I love a good bargain.
I have reached the state of intoxication where it is now a requirement to sit while peeing.
Hey hey, in my defense we were just suppose to watch Disney movies from a blanket fort with beer and nachos. I was I suppose to know it would end in tears?
This costume is too restrictive. The priest and I cannot get it on while I am wearing it.
She makes him look at her naked pics before she sends them to someone she's actually going to fuck. I think this makes him mayor of the friend zone.
I think it was clear she was setting us up when she brought me over to you and said "Present!"
Whenever I'm hungover I try to stay in public as much as possible, hoping to be a cautionary tale to children. It's a public service, really.
WHAT A DUMBASS ugh I'm so glad he looks like a middle aged dad now
Ugh I realized he only responds to my snaps when I’m eating a popsicle
Why are male brains so small?
He went down on me for like 30 min and honestly half the time I thought about those videos where people can smash watermelons with their legs and I just wanted to do that to his skull
so we’ve decided to fuck for our own health
Randomize
