Just got done shaving my balls. You were right.
At one point we asked the guy to play "the lion sleeps tonight" with his bagpipes. Best version ever.
I just snuked. Sneezed and puked
I wish there was a classy way to show off your boobs.
I was just referred to as 'the margarita slut' by an 11 year old.
As long as there aren't any pictures of me humping the penguin, we are good,
well on a positive note i hear those vitamins you take while pregnant do wonders for your nails
Your penis has nothing to do with my throat infection, sorry...
for breakfast I had vodka and flavor blasted goldfish. and I'm topless.
Promise me you won't have sex in my room
I can't promise you that, but I promise you that I'll try
Might want to in your tub tho. That thing is fucking huge.
I need to pack up my vagina and leave. We only do bad things together.
I was packing a bowl naked and her dog just stared at me with pure rage
I fell asleep with a half eating burrito in my hand and woke up to cat vomit with burrito in it.
I just changed all my morning alarms to wake me up with different Jesse McCartney songs telling me I'm beautiful. Would you believe I'll be 25 this year?
Also I found $40 in the women's bathroom at ihop. Karma is finally kicking in!
Randomize
