I woke up in my girlfriends bed with another guy laying next to me. wtf.
you can add "aspirated seaman" to the list of things your sister has been admitted to the hospital for
For using a life jacket as a pillow, I slept pretty good last night...
He wants a "vagina fling" before he commits to dick for life. I'm gonna allow it.
Just found weed in an empty handle. Who knew Capitan Morgan was also a gardener?
id one day like to live in a world full of emotionless and wonderfully fullfilling sex...
I'm not sure what exactly you were planning, but you kept yelling that we were going to need a lot of midgets and a lawyer.
Well I passed out before 4:20 on 4/20 so I deem it a failure AND a success.
Also I feel I should tell you last night when I came home I fell into my laundry hamper and woke up in a pile of my clothes
the guy I've been trying to get with saw my brother's genitals before he saw mine, so that's my life.
I just want to feed you taquitos and play with your boner and live happily ever after
i just sexted for my mom while she was driving, i have hit an all time low.
Tanner. All u drink. 10 bckaa. Locked in Porto potty outside. Constructed area. Main strrrreeeett. Fuck. Help. Pleese
I just had a mini meltdown cause I thought they forgot to put the cheese packet in my mac and cheese. I'm having an awful week.
I need to bang the neighbor boy. He’s given three women screaming orgasms this week alone.
Also, my apartment walls are too thin
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