You are the one person I know will appreciate this- and I'm aware that its nearly 5 am- but I have 3 words... G spot orgasm. BE JEALOUS
You wouldn't stop asking the hibachi cook if his knife was a hattori hanzo
areolas are like halos for boobs.
he passed out on the stove with a cup in his hand. yes the pictures are hilarious
She had a baby and now works at Hooters. She is the poster child for peaking in high school.
How do I politely say my vagina is not a chew toy and if you bite me again I will slap you?
You could say take it easy, whoa there, be gentle, anything that doesn't fully convey the horror.
I wish my head, heart, dick, and nose could just agree on something for once
I remember because you made a pirate noise when you came.
Did she owns a vibrator that will set off seismic activity.
Drinking a grey goose and water in a random chair that I found by the road by myself
So there's that.
I'm gonna hop on that dick and ride it into the sunset
Turns out the dorm toilet can't take a punch. Gonna be a long year without Mexican food.
His girlfriend left him for the pizza guy. I am not fucking kidding.
Oh god establish a safe word
I'm going to! Pineapple.
He made me spaghetti, gave me wine and I fucked him on the floor, Is that a fair trade of services to you?
Randomize
