She woke up laying on my kitchen floor, ketchup bottle as her pillow, in front of my fridge.
Still can't believe they give people like us a drivers license and college degree.
That was a $3000 rug we rolled him down the hill in.
I'm sorry the first time we hungout you had to witness me throw up in the ocean then army crawl to shore.
You're mold. I may or maynot have puked blood this morning.
to whom it may concern. if i am dead in colleens bed it is not her fault i slept in my scarf. my dads middle name is ronald.
For the amount of money I just spent on my dogs toe, I could have fucked the entire B squad at a low end strip club.
My pussy is making all kinds of justifications that my mind would have no patience for if it was still in charge
HOW DID YOU GET DEPORTED FROM THE BAHAMAS
He professed his love for me while I danced on a picnic table with a bottle of Absolut. I said thank you and walked away.
It's either gonna be a cock in my mouth or a burger. You decide which.
One minute you were celebrating, the next you were bleeding all over your Nikes.
Just got home. Taking a quick shower. I smell like sex and chorizo. Dont ask.
Go makeout with Mickey Mouse so we can get FastPass tickets
i was so blazed last night that i kept imagining a talking eagle sitting next to me encouraging me to smoke more... i listened to it.
Randomize
