just to let you know, don't open your linen closet for a while until i come over with a cleaning kit and geek squad
he told me not be awkward when his girlfriend comes tomorrow. and then he made out with me
i hope when i become a housewife i'm more of a gretchen and less of a vicky
just did a beer bong in the shower while i was taking an actual shower its officially football time
And as cleavage season comes to a close, so blooms a new season of yoga pants. And the people rejoiced.
Fuck away man. Like 3% of these new people will be back next week. This is the best week of the year to slam bitches at the gym.
I walked in, the bartender looked at me, grabbed 3 shot glasses and a pounder. Lined them up on the bar then made a line with salt on the other side of them and said I wasn't allowed to cross it.
And then you refused to pee in anything but a sink
Today is my 3 year wedding anniversary...and I've seen three different dicks.
But seriously I might need help getting spray paint off of my body.... But don't worry about the penis I scrubbed him already
I want you more than I want a burrito.
I'm not as filling.
I offer naked tickle fights and orgasms and you call it trouble. I call that Christmas.
One of the guys just came in and goes "i walked all the way home with a pumpkin". Night just got better.
No one knows how to work that "I pulled a muscle in my leg" drunk swagger like you can
I was asked to be part of a mmf threesome. I think I'd rather stay home, watching Orange is the New Black and cuddle with my cat though
Randomize
