yes i saw that this morning. it was my mailbox.
I took off my clothes and she wanted to have sex. But then she changed her mind. So we ended up fucking through her panties or something. I don't know it was weird.
You going out tonight?
No I am at the hospital. Throwing up blood is apparently frowned upon.
I woke up in your car in the McDonalds parking lot. What the hell happened to 'no man left behind'?
Just had to throw up on the floor of my car during traffic on the way to work. Car next to me saw both times. Found the downside to having a job right after graduation.
He came to my house drunk at two a.m., got in the hot tub, refused to get out until he smoked a blunt, and said "That's what brothers and sisters are for."
People are yelling about how much they want you here.
I'm going to change, vomit up my mexican food to save the trouble later, and then come meet you. Thrilled.
The girl that works the front desk at my gym invited me and my friend to come see her Tuesday during her shift at hooters because its her birthday. I still have a boner
I didn't know your ex looked like a male Khloe Kardashian?
I opened the door and his girlfriend was standing there; we made silent, prolonged eye contact as I quietly put on my panties and left.
I achieved maximum drunk last night. It was pretty extreme. Woke up on a couch, outside, in a suit
Your favorite boobs are sending you seasons greetings
You reeked of guilt and shame and we offered you pancakes
if I dont text you back in 10min assume i am in fact still dizzy and injured myself in the shower. and call an ambulance. thanx.
I wish I had a tail.
Why?
...why not?
Randomize
