dude all you wanted to do was sleep under a bridge
I'll tell these girls I'm like the pet adoption center...don't play with it if you're not taking it home.
So can we talk about how we all three made out with the bike taxi driver in lieu of paying him. I'm not even mad, that's resourceful. You know what married girls would have had to do? They'd have had to pay.
i just like, need to vent to someone
Can we skip the part where I pretend to care and fast forward to the appreciative blowjob from you?
He told me since I'm into organics I should know his meat is known locally for its quality and hes hand raised it since age 13.
You asked him for a membership to him and his dick.
Moral of the story: don't have drunken shower sex with the lights off...or you WILL break your foot. And the shower knobs.
he may or may not have motorboated me on the steps of the library of congress
I'm smoking pot with a man in a pink suit, size 15 wide shoes who bought his bowl from a place called Chinese Bling Bling while I'm dressed as a unicorn drinking pumpkin beer
sooo the guy I beat last night in strip pong is the manager's husband at my new job...
We duck taped Dave to a rolling chair and shoved him in the bed of the truck then took off for a bit.. We didn't explain it that way when the nurse asked what happened though.
Quote of the night award goes to my father "I like wearing my swim trunks around the house because they are cooler and more blousy for my balls". Yay dad
So I came to the conclusion that who ever pour my ever clear out saved my life
All I want is to get shitfaced and fuck random strangers is that really to much to ask?
I have a dinner date combo blowjob event with Tristan tonight.
Randomize
