I figure if he loans me money i only owe him sex for the rest of the summer before i pay him back, right?
Iced coffee. Banana. Two dumps. Life is good.
my mom just served us mashed potatoes with an ice cream scoop. When I asked her why, she said she thought it would make dinner 'more fancy'...
i walked into the party and i guess everyone knew because they began to chant "ass to mouth"
I didn't know there was such thing as a bad orgasm. Until him.
I literally had to tap out of the blow job. It was like a pornographic wrestling match
Some Russian dude just came up to us and I'm pretty sure he offered his girlfriend to have sex for 80 bucks. Whoever said porn movies were unrealistic.
the only way I will be happy is if my gallon spiderman bucket is full of either popcorn, nutella and peanut butter, or fried rice. CHOOSE WISELY.
Please stop hiding condoms in my house. If I want to have sex with you, I will let you know. FYI, my mom found the ones hidden behind the milk. She was not happy.
She just texted me apologizing for taking selfies on my phone then asked me to send them to her
I love how my phone automatically capitalizes Margarita. R-e-s-p-e-c-t.
I just woke up on the living room floor at my parents house. The last thing I remember was making a scene at Buffalo Wild Wings because our waitress "Sent the game into overtime" with a 0-0 score
I was in the bathroom and I heard a phone ding inside one of the stalls. I really wanted to say, nature is calling, but I was still in my work uniform
I'm going to preface tonight by saying that I'm sorry for tequila, shopping carts, and having to chase me.
i woke up between my boyfriend and his sister and i don't know if we fucked or cried together
Randomize
