Best text conversation ever. Other than the one we had about using blood for lube.
i cleaned out my closet and found 7 beers from 2007. ive had 3 so far.
Woke up to a huge puddle of water in the living room floor, apparently I made an indoor snowman.
I just took a shower and I feel like 20 pounds of sex just came off of me.
I paid your cover too so you're on the list as tits mcgee. You're welcome :D
i was like his sober eyes girls would come up to us, show us theirs and if approved by me blew him, if rejected they went to my truck with a bottle of patron
my dad just paid them in porn...i no longer feel guilty for getting hammered and not helping
I just totok an inventory of my purse: 1 apple, 1 pair of underwear, 7 condoms, $18 in ones, a check with "for sexual healing" in the subject line, and a 4 oz bottle of wine.
Oh! and a letter from a judge saying I got an interview. Cause that balances it out.
So hungover im counting my own breaths to make sure im not dead. The odds hurt.
I shit you not. I was sitting on Brian's balcony...still drunk from the night before, and a hummingbird flew onto the patio, stared me right in the face and flew away. I feel like it was God's way of telling me, "Stop drinking."
The guy I screamed at across the bar for booing the Bruins ended up buying me shots I had to explain to him there's not a chance in hell I would ever fuck a Canadian! #Bostonstrong
I don't care how hot she was, she wouldn't stop singing "Shut Up and Dance", instant boner-killer.
Let's get drunk and take out your tonsils tonight
There is a couple fucking in the outback bathroom and at first I thought it was sick but than I remembered my Outback fantasy with you and decided I can't pass judgements.
Bootycalls can't go limp that's like against the law
Randomize