i can't wait to go to hell
yeah...all of my friends will be there for sure
meow
WTF. STOP SENDING ME ANIMAL NOISES. ITS FUCKING WEIRD.
How does, "Im sorry I was such an intoxicated bitch, I didn't mean anything I said" sound as an apology.
watching espn. realized that the exact place those sportcenter guys are is where I got laid on the beach last superbowl. my sex spot is broadcasted nationwide
It was so weird. I had like an out of body experience. I heard the moaning, but I didn't know it was me.
I would say I am sorry for punching you last night, but I found the pictures you took on my camera and it all came rushing back.
i think the penis that was inside of me changed my life
No, that was the night I helicoptered my dick to oncoming traffic. Im talking about the night I ran naked down the street.
He just showed up on my porch naked with just a blanket and a trash bag
I'm out of prison. Wanna start a band?
Tomorrow is my bachelor party. If I die tomorrow, please know I graded you a "check" as a sister. "Check-minus" when you got mouthy.
I am such a fucking liability at weddings. I ended up making out with this married 40-year-old that told me that basically if I came home with him and be a sex partner for him and his wife, I would never have to pay for anything again. Extremely considered it.
she is legit trying to fuck me to death between her and work i haven't slept in 3 days and have at least 16 hours to go before sleep is a possibility. can i crash at your place she doesnt know where you live
Let's make this a nightly thing. You'll explain the Watergate scandal like you're telling me a bedtime story while I eat popcorn high as fuck
You kept on yelling traitor and threatened to kill him and everyone he loves because he played beerpong with someone else
Randomize
