i'm almost one hundred percent positive that i have a warrant out for my arrest in this city. i also don't give a fuck because im drinking TEQUILAAAA
i wore my purity necklace wen we fucked. but its ok cuz simplified was blasting in the background
hahahaha. im glad listening to simplified justifies breaking ur promise to god
The university put out a message about those missing salt and pepper shakers... You should at least give back 60 of them.
she went to pee and i could hear her singing "Drip Drip Drop LIttle April Showers" from Bambi through the door.
Yes I was being legit. That's the only plant I want in my house. A growing penis.
you were sat in the corner crying until someone gave you a baguette, which you then tried to feed to the duck doorstop.
I regret nothing
Tell me you didn't really piss in the hookah.
I like you as a friend, but I'm in love with your dick.
She's like an enigma, wrapped in a riddle, tossed in miller light, inside a question. Nobody can explain a Heather.
New Halloween costume idea: Frankenstorm. We have three hours. Make it work.
So I get to my parents and walk in the door so my mom knows I'm safe and alive and my grandpa looks at me and says "were you being someone's bitch". And I about died of laughter
Wow, he seems so solid
I was too drunk to remember throwing up so i probably didn't learn my lesson
Henceforth: booty calls will now be referred to as "deliveries of anatomy". That is all.
If you can't drink with the big boys, give up your beer and go back to the playpen
Do dollar stores sell vibrators?
Randomize
