We succumbed to passion, and then he had to go meet his girlfriend. End of story.
Everytime she would start slurring, she'd stop, hold up a finger, wait like 30 seconds, then try again. I love drunk people
Hey, no judgement here...this is the girl that threw up on a box of kittens at the magician's house
Haha that's why you never name the penis. Its like a pet, once named you will most likely get attached.
And our DD is passed out in the bathtub with the curtain closed. What happened tonight
Don't make it weird, I don't think about you when I'm climaxing, it's just that I see you rooting me on.
Sat down on an escalator. That hungover.
It's not really the holidays until I raid the medicine cabinet. Happy hydrocodone to me
And a merry methadone to all
I asked him if he wanted a pillow, and he replied "No. Batman never had pillows."
If by some world ending natural disaster I get into an actual relationship with this kid, should I tell him the truth about the web of lies I've based our current relationship on?
Our sibling relationship has really blossomed into a wonderful mutual acceptance of sluttyness
We got a noise complaint for vacuuming too much but not for getting really high and yelling about peanut butter
I need your opinion, is it ACTUALLY sweet that a booty call offered to walk me home with an umbrella because it was raining, or is that just low standards?
I've literally slept one hour I'm honestly just surprised you can insult me this early
You’re welcome stay at my house. But, you gotta piss in the toilet
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