margs and chips and queso make the world go round
well and inertia
Just hungoverly hit my funny bone with a hot straightener. Triple threat.
will emailing you the 64 kama sutra positions I want to try during the 3 days your here turn you on or terrify you?
I was scoping hash out of our weed jar with a spoon and I realized we need to buy actual utensils. This plastic shit is killing me I've broke 3 spoons
I'm not sure how many more innuendos I can slip into this fucking conversation before I just blatantly say "I want to fuck you."
Stop making Mac and cheese and sit on his face. FINISH HIM
i told the cop we knew everyone at the party, it was 250 of our closest friends and she's like funny nobody on the balcony knew whose house this was
Thats why they were on the balcony!
And then I told him since the day he walked away to get over what I went through he lost the boyfriend right to ask why my bed is broken.
I take full pride in being the one that broke ur bed. Want to go for the sofa?
if Anne Taylor knew what she did in her clothes, she'd be banned from the store.
oh come on, it's the perfect length summer dress to blow a stranger in the bathroom in
I'm basically your average "grandpa stuck in a 28 year old woman's body" - i'm super passionate about retirement and crossing on the walk signal.
and SLEEP god I love sleep
i just love the holidays, i hotboxed a gingerbread house last night
When I come home and take my bra off and I'm served with a perfect grilled cheese along with a glass of wine. Priceless.
Butt Stuff 2016 unites us all
You know what...ii have the turtles...were together....i love these god damn turtles...
I just bought a handle of tequila and a breakfast burrito. I might be out of money for the weekend, but at least I have the necessities covered.
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