i am a beautiful darrk chocolate womann
honey you're def caucasian
i am a beautiful white cholcllate woman.... Z
I kiss like a newly born barfing kangaroo
So, Southern Comfort will donate 25 cents for every bottle sold towards Gulf Coast Relief... Can we save the wetlands through my alcoholism?
we used a swiffer mop as a stripper pole.
Beware of calls from Dad. I just had a longer than I would care to admit convo about the ididarod. Apparently it starts tomorrow.
Using his name makes it all too personal. I refuse to get attached to this one. This is all about ass. He doesn't get a name.
Like I couldn't describe it to you but if they did a lineup of penises i'd be able to pick it out.
Survival tip #3: while you're hooking up with him, don't say he reminds you of his brother
I'm not sure whom I'm texting but I put you in my phone as last nights fuck budy, and I'm just curious if I left my clutch with you?
Lab coat again saves the day - hiding embarrassing shart evidence...
I don't know when it is this year, but if I ever text you an illegible text that also happens to contain sharks, Shark Week started.
Let us bow our heads and pray that I don't throw up in the tub
The last thing I remember is goading each other into a vodka-chugging competition.
The impact your presence has on my vagina without even putting your hands on me is quite astonishing, impressive and a little disturbing.
Sexting and pancakes... It's going to be hard to top that
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