I have to get up uber early tomorrow. Which is why I started drinking early today
Everytime she opens her mouth it's like a fucking terrorist attack on my life.
I'm already at the bar. It's 2 PM. Help
she just convinced the cop to buy us ice-cream sandwiches. best/worst stoned experience ever.
It was the worst sex ever. All she did was tap on my balls with her hands like she was in a reggae band.
slow down on the beer.. we don't need another pentabong projectile hot dog incident
When I eventually hook up with a resident lets refer to it as taking a hands on approach to my job
Is it 3pm? Or am I losing my mind because it's pickled in vodka and diet coke?
Lights are FLASHING. This just got REAL. CAPTALIZATION.
I got home and laid by the toilet and then alexa laid in the bathtub and sang the preamble while kayla held my hair
I felt like in order for him to make it to mordor and destroy the ring, he'd have to make sweet sweet love to me in some form of hut or cave.
I'm pretty sure I said "this might be the last time I'm in here" but then I took his pants off so that's a mixed message
Your vagina is not a steamboat from the 1800's
you should probably call the Bronx Zoo in the morning to formally apologize
its the right thing to do
Ah you cut my boxers off with scissors, we're way past introductions
Randomize
