Bein cut off at a bar is embarassing ...until you get to the next bar.
When god put her together, he was drunk & feeling creative... a vagina here, sexually ambiguous breasts there, and a pair of shoulders that would make a linebacker jealous
She made fun of how I walked so I announced to her boyfriend that I have cum on her face before.
suddenly SuperBad didn't seem so funny anymore...she did have her period on my leg.
Its a sad day when your bush has a better set of hair than you do
i dont know what to do
with your life?
no, with my silly bandz, im already wearing 3
I've come to realize that after waking up this morning for work no one wins in bar dice.
you smelled like vodka, i think that's why my grandma liked you
We found a swing set....it's in the front yard.
figured you should hear this from me. Your refrigerator door is way broken. I opened it last night when i was drunk and tried to climb the shelves. i got to the one with the mustard.
I knew it was time to stop when you guys were playing a drinking game called "every three steps take a drink"
I feel like as your wife, as cool with your decision-making skills as I usually am, there should be a bigger explanation to you adopting a child while I'm in Houston.
Please put me on a plane and hypontize me into forgetting the little bit of last night that I do remember.
i got pulled over completely sober but looking like death. dick cop made me do a field sobriety test. he also said "no sober person could have 7 BK bags"
Makes hanging out interesting when she lights you on fire just to roll ontop of you to 'put you out'.
Randomize
