Someone should tell Glenda that I only hang with her because she makes me look prettier.
Just spent 45mins blow drying a joint i dropped in a beer....i felt like i dropped his infant child....
He's having a heart to heart coversation with the keg about what he should do with his life.
Woke up with a migrane, threw up blood, then my headache went away. I'm going to convince myself that it was just a bad batch of blood so I can drink again tonight
Tidal wave of highness just hit. Find shelter and catnip. gloves. zebra striped car washes.
Freshman Move In Day, its like Christmas in August.
Dude, how the hell did you become an RA?
Well at least he is okay. If you call the fetal position in my living room floor "okay"...
Unless you're gonna start buying my underwear, you have got to stop ripping it off of me.
I'm not sure what step "make amends" is, but my phone is on
Well I guess I'll go shower now and wash all the stripper off.
Not as much as my roommate, who is in the middle of one of the pictures throwing a lawn chair at a cop car lol.
I'm sure I'll run in to him again, there's only so many VA detoxes.
She left a blunt and poutine on my nightstand with a note saying "went to the gym. be ready for round three when I get back" I love Canadian chicks
I told him I had an IUD and he asked me how was a bomb a form of birth control..
Just a reminder- you dropped broccoli in my car and then felt bad for it and named him Henry
I know. I miss henry.
Randomize
