Holy wow, I found all the old poems u wrote me back when we were in looooooooove...just sort of wild to look back on, thought u'd like that
Classy? Dude, she fucked 3 guys as part of a scavenger hunt
And?
you just love her because she lets you bang her with fruits and veggies!
I couldnt bring myself to steal alcohol from my dead grandma
we're about an hour out, how's the weather?
cloudy with a chance of strippers and cocaine, you're favorite. welcome home.
only you would end up drunk at a subway with a one-eyed homeless man
We lit firecrackers from NYE in the fireplace and he was so passed out that he slept through it.
well let's see. after you forcefully shoved a half-eaten apple in my mouth, you ruined the pepsi by dumping an entire beer in there.
I just sent you a google doc listing all the reasons why I should stop hooking up with him. Feel free to add to it.
I need to do something profound in the next three and a half years so that when my kids ask what I did in my twenties I have something to say other than "made bad decisions"
Do you think that my Facebook profile picture kinda look like im being raped by a 10 foot polar bear ?
He always finds the good stuff. He's like a truffle pig for bud.
He threw up on my head while I was blowing him, and then I started barfing, and the kitchen floor was a mess. Believe me, he will never, ever live this down.
He got in a fight. Then called me drunk to see if he should bail his friends out, or walk through a Taco Bell drive-thru. True love.
Rome wasn't built in a day - my bedroom skills weren't obtained in some boring monogamous relationship. Same thing. Right?
Randomize
