Just so you know, each of my boobs fits perfectly in a martini glass.
Apparently the guard had to repeat "you're too drunk to get in" three times before I understood. I guess he was right.
His car is carseat is compatible. I checked while we were banging in the back seat...
Just mindlessly walked into the mens bathroom. My vagina has now become its own independent being, looking for penises. I'm just along for the ride.
ps if your frozen peas taste like crotch it's because some dude kicked me in the nuts while trying to do a keg stand and I needed an ice pack
will you please stage a drunk girl intervention and tell him that his chain is severely harming his chances of getting laid tonight?
Traveling before 21 and traveling after 21 are two different things. There's a whole nother world of red white and blue weird out there
Fried chicken is a must. Do strippers eat fried chicken or should I plan on something else?
My dad is so drunk he attempted to ride my two year old cousin's tricycle. For a solid five minutes.
New one-upper goal: I have to shit off the side of a moving train then jump off
i'm covered in glitter and body paint WTF
We're showing the video later bring pizza
I don't fucking know. I'm out stimulating the economy. Not locked in a room with a marker board.
Oh at the liquor store again?
Goddamn right, I may not survive the apocalypse, but my eyebrows fucking will.
He doesn't like Sabbath and that alone is a GIANT red flag. Learn from my experiences and never, I mean NEVER associate with people that hate Black Sabbath and Motörhead.
My bed smells like the plague
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