ppl dont tell me stories about anal. apparently im not a tell-me-stories-about-anal kind of person
I think I have swimmer's ear. From his tongue.
My poor mother should have just stuffed me back up her vagina when she had the chance.
Why is there a shirtless guy in Walgreens and why is he probably looking for the same thing I am?
There is something about weddings and lines being done off my ass
Cats found the secret coke stash again
They owe us $80.
I drink way too much to have a type. Last weekend I picked up a guy who calls me "baby girl"
You stuck a chicken finger in that stripper's clevage and said "Keep this warm for me.
Bad behavior is like a petri dish that grows organically In my heart
Seriously, dude... You knows its bad when you gag on her nipple.
Why is there a condom in the dishwasher...
Wikipedia just saved you three hours and $30 on a bar tab. You should donate.
$5. Donated.
I should get him a card "thanks for letting me use you for your penis on and off as I see fit and for being a nice guy. My boobs and I appreciate your loyalty and dedication"
Nobody likes ball hair. Not even gay dudes
You wouldn't happen to know why there's an inflatable monkey riding a mattress on my roof would you?
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