honestly, who buys weed with an unemployment check?
you.
oh yeah. preciate
just ate pastrami before passing out in my hotel room. My room smells like a petting zoo
How am I supposed to spread my seed with you "modern women" and your birth control?
Ever since I discovered that youporn works on blackberry, my brickbreaker skills have gone to shit
This girl told me she was a virgin the other day. I felt like I was talking to a unicorn.
He is in the front yard trying to catch birds out of the air with a fishing net.
Dude, she literally just asked me if her mac'n'cheese makes me horny. I think I found the one.
I think I'm about to have sex with a second person before noon hehehhe! You're welcome America.
You want anything?
Gatorade and you naked.
You just made it sound like a children's toy! It's a functioning body organ, my vagina is not a gameboy!!!
His penis has been a bonding mechanism beyond comparison.
Well I let her practice her tattooing on me. This shaky dragon on my arm says Im getting laid.
CALL ME OLD FASHIONED BUT PEE IS FOR TOILETS
Maid of honor screwed up the joke so I just got to explain what a strap on is and why a married lady might want one to Grandma and my brother's wedding shower.
just licked whipped cream off some model's nipple... just coming clean for when the pic gets on instagram because i am not untagging that shit
Randomize
