you could tell him that chauvinism doesn't go very well with his gay homemade tank top
We shouldn"t be alone together
you didn"t say that yesterday
you weren't married yesterday
Puked in the hotel lobby and just kept walking. I love mardi GRAS.
A beer fell out of the case, hit the ground and started spraying. He's a pro. He grabbed it and shotgunned it while still holding the case.
We are taking shots off of spoons and listening to Mary Poppins.
i don't know. but im upstairs in the closet with a burger i found in their fridge
the last guy with this job had a bookshelf fall on him. He's in the Er. Im high and they gave me his shift. How do you think i feel?
I would've been fine if I didn't do the three shots
You did like 8
Called the cops on a high school party then went in after all the kids ran away and took the rest of the beer. What are you doing tonight?
Why would I send you a picture of it when I could just steal the gnome and put it in your bed with you? Admit it, he looks just like gnomeo!
Hahaha she was way into you and you kept arguing about burritos. It was amazing.
I found a used condom and a hairbrush in my dryer this morning.
Hiring someone to do your laundry would be a good investment.
I should be in a better mood, I just went home and had a quickie on my lunch break.
I had a sandwich.
Just did coke off my highschool yearbook. Not much has changed in 5 years.
I knew you were on something when you said you were a puppy and you ate all the frosty Paws dog ice cream which says not for human consumption right on the side of it.
Randomize
