you missed a midterm to shack? WOW. How desperate are you?
so i wake up and the chick who i had sex last night left her phone number. next to the number was a broken condom. should i call?
its like national bring your ginger to the pool day or something
I'm gonna sleep with her just to prove to my roomate that shes a slut and he's wasting his time
well that explains the french fry and ketchup packet rolled into the wasitband of my sweats. thank you drunk me.
mary just dropped the yahtzee dice in her wine. and shes throwin em like shes on a craps table.
hahahaha slap the bag.
Did you guys have sex yet? And don't worry, I broke the ice already by sending this to both of you. So you can just jump right into it. You're welcome.
It is. We should just be drunk all the time forever everything is like just 90% more perfect
Don't patronize me, I thought of that on peyote, so it was basically like a message from God.
So which one of you fuckers changed my backgrounds while I was passed out to me holding a chicken like the statue of liberty?
this relationship shit is hard. like i'd like to be able to watch veep without him trying to dry hump me. also im drunk and its 11 am so
They offered me pot brownies in 7 minutes flat. Imagine my horror when I had to be like, are those gluten free?
I didn't have any lime for my chaser.. so after my shot I ate a handful of lime flavored chips. Didn't work so great.
on a scale from 1 to "can't put a toothbrush in your mouth without gagging" how hungover are you?
my night went from a boring school play to hotboxing a car with 3 criminals
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