Go study a dick amy that's outrageous
I just walked into the kitchen and my dad was having this uber serious convo
With himself
Text me right after you finish, I want to know how the ghetto fleshlight worked out
How about I just call you while I'm doing it so you can hear my reaction?
How was last night?
She looked like Delta Burke in her fat Designing Women days ... and she just left like 2 minutes ago. Right after breakfast.
Just remembered throwing your phone at your face in a half-drunk stupor the other morning when your alarm went off. Thought I should apologize.
Why do I always have sex on the first date when I know it demotes me to booty call girl?
im too high. i could barely wash my hair, let alone handle a whole shower
i was concerned for your health after you took your "last shot" four times...
is it mean that i live tweeted about whether or not my roommate and her bf were having sex or were wrestling?
I think we got naked. I can't remember but if you have "friends" written on your ass, then we did. Because I have "best" on mine.
Oh that's what I forgot last night.. To make out with her.
Thank god crabs can't live on your head. Thank god.
Word of advice, don't put your jar if peanut butter in the microwave, blue fire comes out
You could totally spank that new found Catholicism out of him.
Just packed vodka and spare underwear into my purse- totally set for watching the hockey with him tonight
Randomize
